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gonna be scolded by buddies

i know! they definitely will do so. because of my stupid & my stubborn & my 一意孤行..

i left my signature on the contract.. yup, i renewed my contract with the company..

when cuz asked me why, i said that i have to face the truth.. and.. maybe, i had been brain washed.. and only J know the real reason.. only she will understand why i made this decision..

No sacrifice, no victory.

i do believe so..

guys, i know you all have no more energy to 'say' me already, just pray for me and wish me luck la!
especially LS, still remember the phrase -- No sacrifice, no victory. this is what you told me. so you have to support me no matter how :p



allice tan

我不難過

read a post on FB shared by my darling's friend..
难过了,不要告诉别人
难过了,静静的蹲下来抱着自己,让眼泪尽情的洒落
难过了,拿着镜子看看此刻的自己,让真实浮现眼前
难过了,默默的将自己隐藏起来,让空虚掩盖一切
难过了,闭眼倾听周围的声音,让自己沉浸在喧嚣中
难过了,不必告诉别人,自己的悲伤为何要别人也承担呢
难过了,可以假装快乐,和别人一起兴奋时就能遗忘了自己


难过了,仍然安慰别的伤心者,你会发现自己也在受益,当
局者迷而已
有谁不曾难过
有谁还会记得
过去的不再从来
又何必去苦想
忘掉…
用微笑渲泄悲伤


and it made me recall of a song by stephanie sun yanzi
我不難過 這不算什麼 只是為什麼眼淚會流我也不懂
i always tell them don't worry, no need to care, no need to mind..
but, i mind! i really mind! f*cking mind!!


i not sure if i can perfectly cover it with my smile everytime when talking about the case..
not sure if yo, nt, hl, eg, mw, jy & whoever know about the case, found my real feeling when we talked about it.. what i wanna say is.. do not expose my mask, please..


我不難過 i am not sad..



allice tan

tired

feel tired recently.

no matter how many hours i sleep a night, i still feel that i have not enough sleep, even i change my sleeping time earlier to 10sth pm.

ya, rarely online at night. hence, the active TSL in FB seems like going to disappear. no more 'i.N.G.' appear in your FB homepage, as my status message could stay for 1 week unchanged.

heart is so tired after the pain. i could say nothing on this because this is the consequence of my stubbornness! i should listen to EH's advice, but i didn't. however, if i say that i have no regret on it, do you believe? if there's another chance for me to choose, i will still make the same decision to try. ok, this is me, the stubborn me, i never deny.

brain was the most pity part as it has to think of many things.

a good friend who i really treat with heart, has blocked me on her FB and MSN. i don't know how to describe my feel now, but this is her choice, i have to respect. someone asked me to ask her, but, sorry, my face is not thick enough, and i will not use my hot face to stick her cold buttock! (a phrase translated from chinese) i lost a good friend.

i will divorce end of July. Looking for a new job at the same time upgrading myself by taking some courses, although my financial status is not so stable yet. Was dilemma that time when my 'head' asked me to re-consider, and told me that i can take the course as part time, yea, sure the courses i will take is part time course! i need to have a job for survive, but i think my future is not there, a company with kind bosses and colleagues, where they always try to protect us, treat us like their kids. they don't know that kids need to fall down sometimes, then only know how to walk.

when everyone ask me whether i found a new job yet, my answer is i not really start my job searching. i have earlier sent my resume to a company at mid valley and went for interviews, and i found that i am really... really need to grow up!!

august is coming soon. joyce asked me to go home for a small rest at the same time accompany dad & mum for 1 or 2 weeks then only start with my new job if i found. her suggestion is to search at penang as i no need to worry about transport there because her SLK is there. or another choice, i can go to SG, can stay with her.but i am still waiting for the date to the new courses start.

actually plan to take MBA at UM, but the qualification is 3 years working experience after graduate. maybe, i can wait for another year??

my brain is busy with all this kind of nonsense!
worry this worry that, fan this fan that!
so funny! i want to stop it, but it seems like i cannot control myself to stop thinking.

luckily, i found a secret to make myself better and it works!!
thanks god! i am now driving my life to somewhere nice and colourful, although the sky is still dark, but don't forget that every car has its own lights!!

p(^.^)q



allice tan

如果他真的愛妳

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他冷落妳不會超過三天,
因為想念妳的日子很難度過 ........

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他會給妳一個甜蜜的稱呼,
只屬於他一個人喊的稱呼 ......

如果一個男人真的愛妳,會令你溶入他的生活,
決不會相愛多年後,還讓妳妾身未明 ......

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他會把妳當孩子般寵愛,
但是自己又說不出寵妳的原因…

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他會讓妳開心快樂,
捨不得讓妳流淚 ..

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他的手機會24小時為妳開機,
隨時隨地讓妳能夠找到他 .....

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他會覺得妳是最好的,
不會將妳和其他女人做比較,即便妳並不優秀 ......

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他會抽出時間來陪妳,
即使自己真的很忙,因為他看不見妳會很想妳.....

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他不會要求妳減肥,
因為他把妳的身體健康看作第一位 .........

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他會很想和妳生活在一起,
會把妳看成是生命中最重要的 .....

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他會經常緊緊地抱著妳,
讓妳感受他的心跳 .......

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他會在妳睡著的時候輕輕吻妳,
因為妳是他的天使 .......

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他會讓妳買妳喜歡的東西,
並且很高興陪妳逛街 ........

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他會對妳的家人、朋友都很好,
喜歡融入到他們當中 .......

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他會默默地為妳付出一切,
但很少讓妳知道他所做的犧牲 .......

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他會看妳吃飯的時候傻笑,
然後把好吃都留給妳吃…

如果一個男人愛妳,他會不厭其煩提醒妳吃飯,穿衣服,
聽妳說「煩了」,他還是要提醒妳,因為妳是他的一切

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他會記住妳說的每句話,
哪怕是一句小玩笑,他也會放心�。
然後努力改變自己的生活習慣。

如果一個男人真的愛妳,在妳過馬路的時候會拉著妳的手,
怕妳橫衝直撞出什麼事,所以不要甩開他的手。

如果一個男人真的愛妳,他的手機�都是關於妳的東西,
想妳的時候會對著手機傻笑,

妳是他最美好的幸福 ...

nothing

when i reply your sms with the word 'nothing', please do not ask me again, although you know that there's something happened.

i have nothing, really nothing..
besides the 'bottomless' tears..

when i cried in the midnight, my accompanier is only the so called 'concern' (which i felt 'scold' is the more suitable word to be used) from singapore. and that's one of the reasons made my tears ''leaking''.

even till now, i still feel that i am no wrong.. maybe the song 'i am what i am' from oceanlab is really a song dedicated for me..
don't ever try to change me! i am 25 now! i know what i am doing! i have my own way to go.. don't simply believe what i said sometimes.. i could hardly tell you all what i wanna be, because you all never give me support! everytime when i say i wanna do something or when i tell you all what my dream is, what i receive is only the 'cold water' that you all pour!
without any positive/support, please do not show your 'concern' by telling me how i should do! (thanks)

back to the situation last night. should i blame my hp? the stupid hp! i only receive the sms at 3sth am! and then only i noticed that there's more than 30 missed calls!!

anyway, no matter what or who i should blame, i understand the feeling that being helpless,sorry...



allice tan

柴米油盐酱醋茶

柴米油盐酱醋茶 by 王力宏


對有些人而言  有時
能遇見一個對的人 過著簡單平凡的一生 是最難得的幸福

把 握當下 珍惜彼此
在柴米油鹽醬醋茶裡蘊釀著永恆的愛
品嚐生命中的每一份感動、每一份親情、每一段友誼
每一次愛情、每一次得到
每 一次窩心的溫暖、每一次觸目所及的美好…
這就是幸福

小时候 你想要什么
我要一台大大蓝色的飞机
带我环游世界
到 地球每一个角落
在蓝天白云中穿梭

而长大以后 我想要什么
我要一台小小红色答录机
和你一起录下
喂 我们现在不在家
蓝色变成红色因为你

柴米油盐酱醋茶
一点一滴都是幸福在发芽
月儿弯弯爱的傻
有了你什么都不 差

小时候 你想要什么
我要一台大大蓝色的飞机
带我环游世界
去地球每一个角落
在蓝天白云中穿梭

噢 长大以后 我想要什么
我要一台小小红色答录机
和你一起录下
喂 我们现在不在家
蓝色变成红色因为你

柴米 油盐酱醋茶
一点一滴都是幸福在发芽
月儿弯弯爱的傻
有了你什么都不差

给你快乐无论白天黑夜
握紧双手就算刮 风下雨
我就是要你
要你待在我身边
保护你直到永远

柴米油盐酱醋茶
一点一滴都是幸福在发芽
月儿弯弯 爱的傻
有了你什么都不差

月儿弯弯爱的傻
没有一个理由
活的那么复杂
有了你什么都不差

icy

i could feel the changes...

it's pain.. in my heart..
but i guess..
this is the best way..
to become an ice..
and to accept the ice that you throw on me..



allice tan

the divorce

2 months ago, i made a decision to divorce.
some of my friends asked me to think properly while most of my friends congratulated me once they heard the news. they know that i made the decision not because of impulse.

few month ago before chinese new year, i already had an 'arguement' with jim when i said that i don't want to work here anymore. he said that i am impulsive, but i denied. i am not!!

although i know that this is the job that i loved, although i know most of the people here are good, but i don't know since when, i felt that many things had changed, changed until the fear overtake my passion.

i don't know when should i believe someone's words and don't know who should i believe. i know that i should protect myself by not to believe what they said, this is what yoshi always tell me, don't believe anyone, as you will get hurt. i really so scared of getting hurt. i can't forget the time when aiwa came to office and talked those things to my manager! wtf! she was my friend, but what she did! how can she did this to me!! i thought friend is a person we should appreciate but not betray!

anyhow, i have lots of good friends beside me during the time i face difficulty. thanks guys who always accompany me, be there with me, and help me. you guys are deeply appreciated always. i won't forget how kind you guys treat me as a FRIEND, real friend, especially my buddies and sistas..

mmm... talk back to the divorce.

i met back alvin during the farewell for zen. he told me how he's doing now, and encourage me to do what i want. that is my future, my life! i should not be influenced by others.

then, i found my way out. i plan on doing something, but i did not tell anyone except sky. and accidentally told my manager when she asked me just now. she said that i can do it as a part-time and i can continue what i am doing now. she just felt that's a waste if i give up what i've built up during this 2 years. and asked me to reconsider.

i know that i can get a good opportunity here, i know that i still have lots of things to learn here, i know that i have good bosses and superior here, i know all these...i do really know...

but... should i really need to reconsider whether or not i want to divorce?



allice tan

唯一

每一天,
都是唯一的一天;
每一秒,
也是唯一的一秒。
再短暫的瞬間、秒間,
都要慎重認真運用。

時間分秒流逝,人生每一天,都是唯一的一天;
每一秒鐘,也都 是唯一的一秒鐘;
每一秒鐘的過程中,都有一大事因緣。
因此不論是再短暫的瞬間、 秒間,都 要慎重認真,好好利用。
切莫迷迷茫茫、不知不覺,讓時間白白流逝

人生一切困難,難在人心自我障礙,使得事事困難、步步困難。 
其實人人都有無限力量,若能調伏自心,發大心、立宏願,難行能行,自然就能克服 種種困 難;反之,心不調伏,哪怕很簡單的事情,也會自我障礙,變成很困難。

「法」譬如船,可以將人從凡夫的此岸,度到聖人的彼岸。 
人人 都有清淨覺性,都可以自度;但坐著聽法、沒有投入去做,難以體悟。
若能用單純的 心,精進 投入付出,即使做得汗流浹背,卻能體悟到輕安自在的法喜,不只自度,且能度人。

人間共業牽引,即使無法為天下做什麼事,至少可以把自己的心 調好。
無論點、線、面,都是從最小那一點開始——最小的那一點,就是 他、你、我的一念 心。
人人每一個起心動念,都要謹慎。

人生能平坦無阻,是幸;
順暢無難,是福。
能時時刻刻平順安度,就是幸福;
幸福的人生,要事事感恩、分秒感恩。

有福生在平安的地方,期待人人發好心、立好願,恆持當下好 念,時刻戒慎虔誠,造福人間!

◎證嚴上人主講 編輯部整理
講於二○一○年六月十三日至二十一日
http://www.newdaai.tv/culture/?mod=tc_monthly&act=detail&id=1619