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Tear on the phone

I've forgot when is the last time I cried in the phone.

A moment ago, received call from ghost. I forgot to ask what's the purpose he called me. The topic we chat was all about the unhealthy me.

Not as usual, I did not greet his mother, did not 'scold' him matter what he said. He could sense that I've totally out of energy.

By advice and by force, he want me to go to see a doctor. I know his care and concern, I really know my friends are worry about my stomachache. So do myself.

Not I don't want to check. I did go to sunway medical centre to do some tests. However, the outcome is 'the reports show everything normal', even the doctor also cannot tell me why or what's wrong.

I've phobia since then. I dare not go for second time. Especially I'm alone. I like to think a lot. I really scare that if what I think is really happen, I'll not know how I'm going to face. Although I've promised some people that I'll go to do another round of medical check-up. Sorry friends, I really have no gut to do it.

Ghost asked me to post the photo of receipt and medicine after I go to see doctor later, else he will come to kidnap me to go after he finish work. lol

When it came to almost the end of the conversation, I dunno what's wrong with me, dunno what's running in my brain, I felt that my eyes were hot, and then the tears dropped.

Luckily, he was going to hang up the phone.. Haha..




allice tan

SHOUT TEAM CNY reunion nite

it had been delayed to this week since last week as the organiser had to attend a wedding dinner. i planned not to go since i am getting of a package of sick since tuesday (sore throat, headache, running nose & fever) with FOC gastric on Friday.

Hazel called on Friday evening mentioned that the friend i invite is going too, how if i'm not attending, so, my finally decision after taking lots of medicine & supplements, i decided to attend & this is a no-regret-decision.

we had our dinner at Pantai Seafood Village 水上人家. i did not eat much because of no appetite. it had been some days i did not take so heavy food after sick. moreover, i really have a strong feeling of guilty when most of the dishes cook with the dead or body part of the dead.

oh ya! so surprise when ricky put the un.shell.ed-prawn on my plate! he really peeled off the shell for me! oh my god! so 'hang fuk'! especially joe also peeled some for me.. hehe..

some comments for the restaurant:
1. our reservation had not been recorded properly. although mailbox saw the person-in-charge Angie wrote on the book, they could not find our reservation. Luckily, there's still a table can fit all of us which is 14 pax.
2. the service is not really good, i.e. we had to ask for many many many times & wait for long long time only can get the things we want, i.e. glasses, folks & even rice.

after dinner, as planned, we went sanctuary for second round.

quite shock when saw jessy drink. as what know last time, she just drink when she feel very sad. on hazel's birthday party, she already made me shock, and this is the second time. she said that she got that kind of mood want to drink. i not sure what happen to her recently, but really hope that everything goes smooth for her.

i just recover from sick, but i drink as well. just like what jessy said, i got the mood to drink. i can enjoy to drink as there's friends i trust there, hazel & evan, jessy, mailbox, alvin,...

at the end, my plan failed. i actually told alvin that he has to send me back earlier. however, once i started to drink, i forgot all the things, lol..

i have a great night & always enjoy with you guys.
SHOUT TEAM, you are the best!!


allice tan


Thank you

was typing a long story about Friday night, but end up i deleted it.
yup, that's the night when i met someone at The Opera.

Thanks to Ghost who protect me from being disturbed by his wolf friends and safely sent me back to the roof top.
He knew that i met someone, and he did not say much, just accompanied me & did what he can do for me.

Thanks to Hazel who noticed something after i went back there but did not force me to tell anything.
i guess Evan told her what he heard when Ghost accompanied me go up to the 3rd floor. She asked me a question on Saturday when we were on our way to Klang meeting Evan & Alvin. She did not force me to tell anything when i used a question to answer her, 'Can i don't want to answer?'

Thanks Hazel, Evan & Alvin accompanied me the whole Saturday night singing K to let me release.
3 of them actually noticed the abnormal of me, but they just keep quiet & be at my side. i can really feel their care & concern. Really thanks them so much!

Mailbox, thank you as well.
The big brother, the one who came down to VIP area to 'bring me back' to roof top after Ghost sent me up & i disappeared again. He did not say much, just a simply sentence, "Don't watch anymore, it will only make you more sad".
Then, the next morning, as promised, he morning called me, fetch me to have my brunch & go office. He did not ask anything, just there to accompany me.

i'm really very lucky to have all these friends beside me. Thank you guys so much! really! i also don't know why i am so lucky to have you guys here! Buddha, Guan Yin, God, Jesus, Allah, thank you all so much for sending those friends for me. i really appreciate.



allice tan

The stupid

Being stupid again =.="'

I think I should not talk so much, but my brain can't control my heart and my mouth.
There's a quote in chinese, 'the clever uses mouth, and the stupid uses hand' means the clever person no need to do anything but just say it out and the stupid person will go to do the things.
They are the clever, and I'm the stupid. When they tell me how they are not satisfy, how they feel unfair or anything, they expect the stupid to bring out the issues, and always say will support me if I bring out. Not the first time, when the issues being bring out, I'm the only one who become the bad, those who said will support either disappear or choose to not say anything with the head facing down looking at own feet or table!!

Friends asked me why I'm so stupid, can't I just do my things and zip my mouth? There's just work, no need to put in my heart. So many times being hurt but still not yet learn the lesson?
Ya, I should learnt the lesson, but i always choose not to. I trust them as my friends, but I think they just treat me as colleague or one of the tools. Sad but it might be the truth.

Allice tan, wake up liao.. Don't be so naive.. Face the truth.. The world is cruel.. 





allice tan

change a life, change your own

Eldest sister supports world vision for some years. she never stop it even when she faced a critical financial problem
few years ago, i heard my dad said, if you got money, why not you give me, why so stupid to give others. (ok, my dad has changed now, i believe)

and me, i become a sponsor after 1 year i started my 1st job.
Some friends ask me, i have lots of debt to settle & most of the time i have negative income and have to 'borrow' from elder sister, why i still want to support this. In their mind, they feel that we should support, but not now. we can do all these after rich.

what is the definition of rich? what is the definition of poor?
am i poor? no! if compare with those pity kids, i feel that i am very lucky! i got food to eat, i can study, i can online, bla bla bla..
with RM50, i can survive for almost 1 week, but you know what, with RM50, not only a kid, but also the poor country.

i feel glad that there's a few friends of mine are the sponsors as well and we are not Christian. we believe that helping others is from heart, and no need to care on the religious and race.

gals & guys, do you know how lucky you are? (at least you still can read my post while the chance to study is limited for the kids there) So, please skip an expensive meal or alcohol drink or cigarette, or save your money by not buying unnecessary things, and use this RM50 to CHANGE A LIFE!

find out more info here by click on ME.
or click ME to download the form to sponsor.

if you think that sponsor a kid is a commitment that you cannot stand for too long,
you may just GIVE A GIFT.





allice tan

nightmarezzzz

i wonder..
if i will have 'sleep-phobia' or 'dream-phobia'?

have been suffer from nightmare since 'last year' >.<
i thought it will be ok after Intermark thing, but it's not! i still suffer from nightmare every night now! and it's getting more & more scaring!

someone asked me what i dreamt, maybe the dream is trying to give me some 'sign' or notification, but what i dreamt?

i can't or should say i dare not tell anyone what's in my dream. i can only keep it for myself. i scare it will happen in real if i speak out. i do really scare.

2 years ago, i dreamt something similar, and my 2009 is the worst year in my life! i really scare if 2011 is going to be similar with 2009, i don't want!

god, please, 2009 is the worst already, please peace my life..



allice tan

nightmare

am suffering from nightmare every night continuously for one whole week.

at first, i dreamt of the intermark. it was a nightmare about my work. i thought i was just too worry about the new outlet.

however, it is not. since thursday, it was no longer the intermark appeared in the nightmare. i tried to recall what is all those nightmare about, but i failed.

i know that i need more sleep, with a better quality sleep. else, my temper will not be good. but how?

can anyone tell me how to control dream? i dont want any dream when i am sleeping can?
 

allice tan