Green Day - 21 Guns

Do you know what's worth fighting for?

When it's not worth dying for?

Does it take your breath away

And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?

And you look for a place to hide?

Did someone break your heart inside?

You're in ruins

One, 21 guns

Lay down your arms, give up the fight

One, 21 guns

Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

When you're at the end of the road

And you lost all sense of control

And your thoughts have taken their toll

When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass

And the hangover doesn't pass

Nothing's ever built to last

You're in ruins

One, 21 guns

Lay down your arms, give up the fight

One, 21 guns

Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Did you try to live on your own

When you burned down the house and home?

Did you stand too close to the fire

Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

When it's time to live and let die

And you can't get another try

Something inside this heart has died

You're in ruins

One, 21 guns

Lay down your arms, give up the fight

One, 21 guns

Throw up your arms into the sky

One, 21 guns

Lay down your arms, give up the fight

One, 21 guns

Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

disappointed

very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very disappointed!!!!

but ice cannot cry there! i should be tough enough! even i am not really tough! i had to act like that!
i could feel how pain my heart is! but nobody could feel how sad i am!

DISAPPOINTED!!

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如果你不是真心，就不要闯进我的世界

a note shared by jezzonefly on facebook...

我可以
一个人吃饭；
一个人睡觉；
一个人逛街；
一个人游戏；
一个人上班；
一个人回家；
一个人发呆；
一个人思考；
一个人欣赏路过的风景；
一个人遗憾错过的精彩；
一个人读着别人的故事；
一个人打发无聊的时间；
一个人赶走寂寞的侵袭；
一个人抵挡北风的严寒；
一个人在跌倒后站起来拍拍身上的灰尘；
一个人在受伤后躲起来默默治疗心的创伤；
一个人在繁华的都市里找回迷失的自己；
一个人在残酷的现实里伪装保护着自己.........

......

所以

如果你不是真心，就不要轻易插足我的旅程，我很容易感动， 很容易满足，也许你不经意对我的好我都会一直记得，也许会因 为你不在意的举动会伤心很久；

如果你不是真心，就不要轻易进入我的世界，我不会坚强，不 会防备，你说的每句话我都会相信，我能给你的就是绝对的信 任；

如果你不是真心，就不要轻易跨进我的国度，我会固执，会小 气，
我很珍惜每个进来的人，就算碰得头破血流我也不会轻易放手， 我不想留给自己太多遗憾...... 等待那个人我投入的会是我全部的真心....

a song to mom

dedicated my il divo's song to a special one..

il divo's mama..

to my mom, an angel of earth.. ♥ ♥ ♥



Mama, thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times I forgot

Mama remember all my life
You showed me love, you sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed along the way [along the way]

And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you, yeah I miss you

Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong, Dry your eyes [dry your eyes]

Cause I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you, I miss you

Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed along the way [along the way]

Cause I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama

congratulation!!

sharp 8a.m in the morning..
unexpected call received..

it's from a satan! yea! satan vincent called!
he's spreading the good news to me!
made my mood turn good!

so happy that he still remember what he promised!

so proud of him that he can passed all the difficult tests & now he is with the title of Dr.

well done guy!!

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委屈

是该认真考虑继续下去的可能性了。

当身边的朋友一直在努力打毒针的时候，我还会帮他们讲话，说，其实他们对我都不错的，只是在某件事上的看法不同而已，他们有时候也是蛮疼我的嘛～


一心想着，呆在那里，我可以学到很多东西，因为什么东西都是我自己一手包办的，是很忙啊，可是，那是我喜欢的东西。大家都说，我们如果从那里出来的话，在其它地方一定可以生存得到，因为，那里不只有‘魔鬼式的训练’，我们还得遇上‘宫心计’的陷害。

我一直认为，就像大多数的事情一样，只要找几个朋友聊聊，mumble，发泄过后就没事了，可是，原来根本就不是那么一回事。
联盛说，早就跟我说了！是啊，是我一意孤行，我该听他们的。

为什么我那么固执？当初没有心软的话，我不会这样让妈妈担心，心疼。
是的，我对不起妈妈，时常要她为这个懦弱的女儿操心。

现在，因为那通电话，觉得委屈了又怎样，这是我自己拿来的。告诉自己，这是最后一次为这种事哭。是时候做些什么了！

哭过就好了！就算再喜欢那些工作，也不要再催眠自己他们有多好了！当不久前，爱丽丝决定用晓凌的面目来见人的时候，那块沉睡的冰块也该醒了！

when ALLICE is no longer Adorable, no longer Lovely & no longer Lâche, there's time for ICE!

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message

just reached home at 10 in the morning.
sign in my facebook, and saw a message from my love one.
she said she felt that she should send me that message and told me lots of her thinking/opinion.

tears drop after read the message.
she said something that i could not deny, the cruel truth that i never want to face.
i admit that i am little chicken.

dear, i know what you mean. sure i will accept what you said, and i believe that this little chicken will get her gut very soon.

you are not long-winded at all! i like to receive your long long message which show your love, your care, your concern to me, i do really appreciate.

you know what, when i saw the tag from you on the photo that day, there's only one word in my mind! ji mui! yes! not only best friend!
you really help me a lot! when you know my situation that time, you help me to solve it within 15 minutes! without me to open mouth to seek for your help! gosh! who else can treat me like this?

give me some time, and you will see what's going to happen!

i am no longer wish for the rainbow after rain, but now, learning to enjoy & dance in the rain ^.~


p/s: going back to bm next week. i believe that grandma will be very well that time when i back! :)

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手連心

放不下

一个苦者找到一个和尚倾诉他的心事。

他说：“我放不下一些事，放不下一些人。”
和尚说：“没有什么东西是放不下的。”
他说：“这些事和人我就偏偏放不下。”
和尚让他拿着一个茶杯，然后就往里面倒热水，一直倒到水

溢出 来。
苦者被烫到马上松开了手。
和尚说：“这个世界上没有什么事是放不下的，痛了，你自然就 会放下。”

你可能觉得难过
因为无论你对他怎么好 他都不领情
他不是看不到 他只是装作看不到
或者他根本不想看到
你觉得自己很喜欢他
甚至觉得再没有一个人可以像你那么喜欢他
你用尽全力对他好
把他看的比自己还重要
有什么事情第一个就想到他
联系不到他的时候　你担心他担心的快疯了
然而你有没有想过
这并不在你的责任范围
而且很有可能他是在躲着你
他受不了你对他那么好
不要一直发短信给他
不要一直找他
你也许只是想找他说说话
你觉得那很正常　不算苛求
但是也许他并不这么想
记住　你的想法不代表他的想法
你是真的不求回报的才喜欢他吗
你扪心自问一下
你确定不用他回报什么吗
那为什么你会难过
若是真的一无所求
你又怎么会觉得难过呢
所以　别觉得你那么爱他是伟大的
也许她根本不在乎你怎么为他付出
有时候你给他的爱或许是种负担
这种负担只会让他更加想远离你
因为他不想亏欠你
别事事为他担心为他张罗
你觉得他没有你不行
你觉得别人做不到你那么完善
但是你要清楚
你不是他要的那个人
你做的再完善也敌不过人家不做
那个位置本来就不是你的
你何必硬要挤上去呢
你说道理你都懂　只是你做不好
喜欢他不是你的错
想关心他不是你的错
控制不住自己不是你的错
但是那是你的方式
人家不一定就能接受你这种所谓无私的爱
所以如果你喜欢他　他不喜欢你
那么就请你默默的
别试图让他知道
就算你会难过　甚至难过的流泪
就请你默默的
就算是逼自己也好
一定要忍着
傻孩子．
忘了吧．所有你留恋的．你回忆的．你拥有过的．
那些．都已是记忆．
缺失并不可怕．
可怕的．是无法面对．

傻孩子．
你无法轻易忘记放弃．是因为你付出过．
付出了．她就会像柱子一样扎根在心．
不要刻意去逃避．刻意忘记．那只会让你更痛苦．
绕开这个柱子．寻找未来的幸福生活吧．
那里．有你的理想．

傻孩子．
开始新的习惯吧．
习惯．每天一个人生活．
习惯．一个人过生日．一个人行走．
习惯．走过熟悉的路．面对熟悉的景．
你逃不掉．逃不掉的．
那么．就勇敢面对．现实．
现实是．一切．画上了句点．

傻孩子．
勇敢看着镜子中的自己吧．
这个悲伤软弱满面憔悴的自己．
这也是你．成长中的你．
这个你．正在逐渐死去．
新的你．即将重生．
找寻你的路．你的未来．
你知道的．所有的浩劫．都是成长的祭奠．
做最好的自己．即使．一个人．

傻孩子．
好．好．尽情发泄吧．
剥开自己的心．用文字．用声音．用所有能发泄的方式．
泄完了．就要振作．
看吧．你失去的．其实微不足道．
还有那么多人关心着你．以不同的方式．
所以．你并不孤独．
正是这样的失去．让你看清现在所拥有的幸福．

傻孩子．
别哭．别再哭．
不值得．真的．不值得了．
把过去尘封吧．别委屈．别不甘心．别不接受．
开始新的旅程吧．去遇见新的风景．新的际遇．
做你该做的事吧．有很多事．等待着你完成呢．

傻孩子．
生活褪去了曾有的颜色．暂时宁静．
别沉沦在这片宁静里．那会毁掉你．
你要明白．虽然残忍．但这个决定．足够正确．
现在的生活．不是你想要的．
为了你的理想．你必须学会适时放弃．
给对方最好的关怀．就是．变的更好．更强大．更幸福．
现在我对你很好、很好、很好，你不需要、你无所谓、你不在 乎，你不珍惜。。。。
当某天，你被伤害，想起我。那时的我再也做不到像现在这样一 如既往、不顾一切的对你好了。。。
因为那时的我，已经将你放下。。。。
原来，放下一个人，最后是被对方逼出来的。。。

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so sick

cant stop coughing in the meeting last night.

finished meeting and reached home at 11p.m. something. Sandra was the one who send me home last night because Penny had to finished her things downstairs and won't back so early.
i was very suffer in Sandra's car. tried not to breath so that i won't cough inside her car, because there are 3 beauty managers sitting in the car, i did not want my virus to spread to them as they need to 'fight' during the weekends.
once i got out from the car, released, cough again. then the security guard asked me, 'sakit ar?' haha..

vincent msn me asking me something and then read my status message in msn, asked me to go to buy serup. i told him that i went to see doctor and the doctor gave me pills, but he said pills cant help much.
i listed down all the pills that doctor gave me, and found that the pills doctor gave me is.. damn!!
you know what, vincent said:

...anyway ur dr. is just a stupid rich guy
dont go to him anymore
just go pharmacy n buy the drug

i give u a prescription....

and he asked me to write down what i should buy from pharmacy today, and also, asked me to go to sleep =.=

that was the second time i visit the clinic at boulevard there. if you wanna ask my feedback on the first visit, i can definitely tell you that, i do not like the doctor, her way of treating patient and her attitude.. then i prefer to go to clinic which is not in our panel list, but, seems like it could be a big issue as my superior pulled me to starbucks and told me something..
actually, i don't care about the claim, i never think of wanna claim back the money, and, i don't mind to deduct my unpaid leave as i have no more annual leave to take. i just want to seek doctor advice or get the drug so that i won't suffer from the pain. (i was having a serious gastric that time)
hence, few days ago, when i suffer from running nose, sore throat and cough, when colleagues said that nowadays many virus attacked, asked me don't spread the virus in the office, and i decided to go to mid valley clinic.

i do not want to go boulevard clinic anymore because of my previous experience and tomoko's case. tomoko had to admitted to hospital immediately that time, but when she went to the clinic for checking, the doctor said that's nothing, even blood test also no need. luckily tomoko insist want to do the blood test. and, they don't even bother anymore. they told her that the result will come out at 6pm, but she wait until 8pm they still not yet tell her the result, when she called back and asked, they only checked. and called back to ask her to admitted to hospital immediately!! damn terrible right?

i thought i can go to the clinic inside mid valley megamall, but then Penny said the priority given is the boulevard one, she asked me to go to the boulevard clinic.

these are the pills i take for these few days:

• cloperastine HCI
• loratadine
• chlorpheniramine
• paracetamol

stupid me almost finish the pills, yes, almost, i left 1 each now!! and no any 'improvement'!! and vincent asked if i had fever because the doctor gave me paracetamol! WTH!! i still remember sky did tell me that the active in paracetamol is not really 'accurate' in each pill, and he asked me not to take it if not necessary.. but WTH stupid (oh no! not stupid! i'm the stupid one!) the smart clever doctor asked me to take 2 pills with the contains of 1000mg each!
i will never NEVER go to the clinic anymore!! the clinic at boulevard!! blacklisted!!

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