come back please

guy
where are you when i need you

you were with me few years back
but since when
we are getting more and more far
until 1 day
you leave me without my notice

thought i can continue without you
thought i am strong enough to carry all these alone

whatever i do
in whichever area
i might not be me
but zombie

standing at the edge of the precipice
thinking how if i walk 1 more step to the front
shall i?
so that the zombie can r.i.p
and so do i

turn back and walk back?
no, there's no way back to the starting point
turn back
it's just mean to continue staying in the dark
and continue the zombie life

guy
please come back to me
without you, i can no longer feel my smile on face
please come back to me
and show me the 3rd solution
neither take 1 more step from the cliff
nor walk back without you
please come back to me
i need you so much
where are you, passion.....

1st birthday gift for 2015

Yes!! i got my best birthday gift for my 30's birthday!!

The good news spread into my eyes and i was so so so happy!! 

It's difficult for me to simply express via words, what i can say is, i am still hyper!!

Couldn't imagine what will happen, but i am so excited, cant wait for it!!

I have a plan~ a secret plan, for myself, and my besties, to celebrate the return of my bestie, and the birthday of ME!! hahaha....

09112014 i got my 2015 birthday gift!! it's not a solid item that i can touch or hold, it's not something i can buy with money, it's priceless gift!! a gift from god? or i should say from my bestie? a good news i was waiting for all these days.. and finally.. the good news turned to be a better news, for my birthday!!

i love YUL, my pretty sweetie bestie~~~

哪一服

一个适合用在我身上的形容词，尽管我本身不这么认为。

他们说，就因为我这个‘哪一服’的思想和性格，让我一次又一次地被欺骗与伤害。

对亲戚，不可以那么‘哪一服’，

他们对你并不是你想的那么好，他们只是在利用你；

对朋友，不可以那么‘哪一服’，

你对人家两肋插刀，人家反而拿利刀往你背后插了；

对同事，不可以那么‘哪一服’，

你以为团队就是要互相帮忙，他们就让你帮帮忙，垫垫底，好让他们踩上更高的地方；

对客户，不可以那么‘哪一服’，

他们只是要利用你的友善，获取更多的利益；

对老板，不可以那么‘哪一服’，

老板只能给你一个位置，不能给一个未来，舞台再大，人走茶凉。

姐妹说我‘哪一服’，

男友说我‘哪一服’，

前同事说我‘哪一服’，

上司说我‘哪一服’，

老板也说我‘哪一服’，

我真的就那么‘哪一服’吗？

‘哪一服’不好吗？

为什么要把事情想得那么复杂？

简简单单地不好吗？

a year of challenge

It has been almost 1 year I did not update my blog here.

Should I say I was in heaven in the past year? Or I should say I was in hell? In heaven, because I feel peace and satisfy with whatever I had. I did not demand for more in my life which I not supposed to be. In hell, because I was demotivated. I became a normal OL like others beside me.

And my life changed end of last year. I decided to take up the challenge from my 'beloved' boss. I switch my job from secretary to project development, a brand new sales division we are going to start up. It was totally different from what I did before.

There's no previous case or record as references, no assistance, no clearer way I could see. I've to do everything by myself, solve everything by myself. The only advisor I could seek is my boss which is the last option I not prefer to go for.

I cant meet target for the past 2 months. I am so stress till I can't sleep well at night. I cried before. But I know,     cry does not solve problems. I have to wash my face, and continue fighting.

even though there's lots of negative blows into my ears, I choose to close my ears. I am so hunger that I want this division to success. I'm aiming so high that we could be leader in the industry.  yes, it might be too early to say so, but I believe that we can.

With the passion I have, as well as with the 'hunger', I believe good luck will be my side. Give me another 2 years, you will see the result.

I was not sales oriented kind of people, I never thought that I will involve myself doing sales,  deeply appreciate my boss giving me a chance to try this, and I promise, I will do my best to achieve what we want.

2014, a brand new year with challenge, a good year with lots of luck~

I'm the lucky gal, aLLice ^.~

it had been 3 years...

maternal grandma left exactly 3 years today..

uncle still laying on the bed in hospital.. even on his birthday few days ago..

heard mama say that the doctor seems trying to get us to get him home since nothing much they can do now.. but anyone willing to take care of him? anyone can? haiz...

it had really been tough years since 2008..

grandma, u must popi everyone especially your sons..

sleepy blue monday

my upper eyelids love my lower eyelids so much that they kiss each others quite often today.

i fell asleep quite early last night but i not understand why i feel so sleepy now. Is that because i am too free? NO! There's 2 write-ups that i need to write and some other things need to do.

thought of taking some coffee but i seriously do not think that coffee is a good solution at this critical stage. Hence, i found something which definitely will help -- REDBULL.

Not sure it's applicable to everyone or only me. i really feel that REDBULL is a very good solution to kick the sleepy worm out. even though i not really like that sweetness of it taste, i like to take it when i really need some energy.

my 1st drink of Redbull is during the time i took DELF. i was so stress until i felt want to give up because i was the only person to take the exam at that level among my friends. i faced it alone. i am not that kind of person who study very hard, but i like to burn midnight oil. that was the time i was 1st contacted with Redbull. Since then, i found my secret to be energized. LOL

and now, after around 15 minutes of taking REDBULL, i am now widely awake. Going to start my work now. Gambatene to myself p(^.^)q

happy birthday

eventhough you are laying on the bed of hospital, still, gonna send my wishes to you.. hope you can pass through all those suffer, wake up, be healthy and celebrate for more birthdays for the continuous yearsssss...

uncles in hospital

There's lots of things happen recently.

2 uncles admitted to hospital in the same day. Uncle Jing admitted to Gleneagles, because he fell down when he was at work. As how he said, is not so serious, admitted to hospital because doctor need to check whether there's any bone cracked or not.

Uncle Chai, the most serious one. He was sent to hospital by someone else. The story i heard is, he fainted during he went for treatment. He stopped breathing while he was in the ambulance on the way to hospital. The doctor even told us that uncle's situation is at the critical stage.

1 week passed. i am quite worry that i got a call from mom during work telling me the bad news. Can't deny that i got phobia since few years ago when paternal grandpa passed away. I could not stop crying in the office, until boss and whole account personnel stopped meeting and came out to ask me what happened.

Uncle Kong and Aunt Guet came back from Johor & KL yesterday. I can't stand to hear this kind of news because it means something gonna happen soon. I not really sure should consider this as good or bad, seems Uncle Chai is still alive but suffering laying in hospital depending on the machine to breath. I guess everyone is ready to receive the news, but still, the worry and sad is still there.

Do you believe in miracle? I did.
Can miracle show me that my past experience is wrong? Can miracle show me that i should keep believing on it?

Bersih 3.0

Few days passed. Seems like the government still could not give us the answers we want.

A lots of news spread over Facebook and other media online. However, our local newspapers & TV media do not keep their stand as media, which should be fair but not be siding any party, even if it is government. Yes. Our government successfully controls the media. This made our local media unreliable anymore. Even with paid media, our beloved government also using its way to censored some part of the news from BBC. What's the big joke!!

i'm doubting the truth behind those cases like knocking the police car, grabbing the gun of policeman, crossing the line to enter Dataran Merdeka after Dato Ambiga announced dismiss,... i wonder... what made all these happened? i do believe that most of the participants are not mean to be violent. i do believe that there must be something behind, e.g. the actor/policeman from Bangladesh??

i'm Malaysian. We are Malaysians! what we want is just a fair CLEAN election. what we want is just a government that listen to us, care & concern us. It's very simple, isn't it?

T-Junction

It's time to make the decision, after 2 relaxing months, deadline is finally here!!

Hope that i can be greedy to grab both, but unfortunately i could not. i have to choose either sacrifice the course or the chance. i do really hope that i can have both. i do really hope that both can be at the same place. i do really hope that i got 2 me so that i can be here and there. i do really hope so. but this world is always cruel. i have to choose one. i have to sacrifice one.

Aquarius is the one who dislike/unable to make decision, even choose what for dinner or colour of cloths. it's really difficult for me to decide especially these 'unknown' roads. i do not know what is the scene if i turn left. i do not know the scene at right as well. i can hear some soft melody from the left, it is kevin kern's music! listen to the right, oh no! there's songs from il divo! both also what i love! how to choose??

Remember 'The Road Not Taken'? Suddenly think of it, eventhough i did not read the story actually. i even forgot it appeared in my form 4 or form 5 life, or maybe form 6? anyway, not important, just suddenly appear in my mind only.

Can i go straight? Can i stop here? Can the fate tell me which side i should turn? i hate T-Juntion :(

after a nite out with sistas

it had been some times that we did not meet up.

remember that time when sai mui left the family, we did promise each others to meet up at least once per month. however, after i left, after a lot of things happened around us, 3 of us focus on our own problems, and the time to gather reduce tremendously.

i had my dinner date with darling, and i thought that would be only 2 of us, but it was so surprise that sai mui said she would be joining us after her class :)

1st time, i heard my darling said she wants to 'have a drink'. surprise and what i said to her 'finally you 'dai goh loi jor' congratulations!'. not sure i should be happy or worry. happy because i have a new kaki. worry because i know that she is stepping the way i walked before.

people around me spread the words that i can drink very well. eventhough i keep deny that i am not, but who cares? even if i really can drink well, is this very good?? fine, only buddies know the truth.

back to the nite, it was just a few hours meet, but we shared lots of our recent news, problems, solutions, point of views,... i got a clearer picture of what kind of decision i should make.

3 of us always have the same 'fate'. we always face the same problems almost at the same time. no matter we know it before or during the things happen, or sometimes even after that only we find out, it was always amaze that we are facing or having the same things at the same time.

this time around, our result/decision should out next week before wednesday. we do really hope each others can have get something good on the day. really wish that god will bless us. wish the good news will be sending to us soon.

Challenge of the day

Today challenge:
Can i go back from Berjaya Times Square to Sunway with RM4?

It had been long long long long time i did not face this kind of challenge. My purse left only RM4 and some coins. i insisted not to get my money from atm machine. Hence, the challenge started.

i thought of walk to Hang Tuah station then take LRT to Kelana Jaya & take bus to Sunway. i also thought of walk Central Market and take bus to Sunway. In the end, i decided to take Monorail to KL Sentral and take bus home.

However, when i reached KL Sentral, i got shocked! Since when the road change to be one way? Oh my god! i had to re-plan my way to go home! Walked a long way from Monorail station to KL Sentral main building, chose to take the one which i do not like the most --> KTM.

The whole journey took me RM2.90 from Berjaya Times Square to Setia Jaya. And i have extra money to buy a tin of 100 Plus during the journey i walked home from KTM station.

Great! Today challenge --> SUCCESS!!

Just the way you are & Hero - by Jayesslee (JS - Janice & Sonia)

i do not like this song sang by Bruno Mars, but i like their version. the feel is totally different! hope you all like this as well.

Janice & Sonia.. falling in love with them when i first watch their video. if not mistaken the very first video of them i watch is 'price tag'. dunno why they can attract me just like that. love at first sight. maybe because of their smile? ya, i guess so. they are so sweet, pretty and cute :)

Gals, when you are depressed, when you feel fear & insecure in something, listen to this song they sing, hope you can find back your self esteem and let's shine :)

below is another healing song, hope you enjoy listening.

my sky is grey today

wai kit posted a song on Facebook which i used to love it some years ago..
it suits my mood today..

went for an interview at damansara jaya this afternoon. there's a job that i love so much, not because of the company (eventhough it has a good background), i love it because it is a very challenging job! the company can consider as a new born baby when her sister company has already be a pretty lady.

i prepared very well for the interview especially for the presentation which i spent time to create & design it. everything seems like going smooth.. until they asked me 1 question which i never do before and totally no idea on how to answer it. i did not answer directly but give a quite positive reply (which i feel i'm very positive and can add some marks for that even the answer is not there). and.. i know that i failed because of i do not have experience on doing that and i lost the contact of media after 1 year leaving the field..

now i only realized, sales person need to keep contact with their customers while marketer need to keep good contact with media all the while, contacts is the assets of salesman and marketer which means very much for us as our value!!

and.. my sky is grey today.. my mood is down..




我不知該說什麼好
你的來去一直都沒有預兆
這次你是帶著笑 還是藏著刀
別那樣 又用擁抱當酬勞
別那樣 用玩笑當圈套
我只求一個人 一點自尊和驕傲

我不知該做什麼好
這一切真的從沒有預兆
這次你又帶著笑 而我只想逃
也許是 你要的我不想要
也許是 你要的我做不到
所以我一個人 用空白 填未來 當作炫耀

沒有後悔 沒有爭吵 再也不要苦苦的計較
就算瘦了也沒什麼不好
話變少 也很好
沒有淚水 沒有煎熬
再也沒有人讓我吃不下 睡不著
心碎了 我還炫耀
受傷的字眼 擱淺在唇邊 不要你悱惻敷衍

i'm jobless

yes! i'm jobless for 1 month & 6 days now!

people around me keep asking me if i found my job or start to find new job yet, or another type of question will be, what i do during this period, won't i feel boring?
fine, even it's already 1 month, but i feel like i just rest for few days, yeah! holidays is never enough!

i applied for a few job online, answered a few calls asked me for interviews, rejected a few, and went for 3 interviews. everyone, include myself, feels that i'm not seriously look for a job, mmm.. maybe.

i'm still considering if i should get a fulltime job or i should get a parttime job like bibi so that i can have more time on my study. however, if Taylor's job is on, i guess i have to postpone my course again because i might not be able to rush to serdang in 1 hour after work, especially puchong toll there is always jam like hell.

since my secondary school life, i never stop working without any income like now. i worked in restaurant, worked as a promoter, teach in tuition center, worked as a barista, then worked for euro-trichokare for more than 2 years.. and then i started my first job in BP then worked in CSB.. non-stop..

Can u believe, my first holidays after i worked so hard, is only to HK?! my France trip bubbled, my graduate trip with coursemates gone, my gadgets wait and wait for me but i couldn't grab them, and the debt is getting more and more!!

now, i started to realize that no matter how much effort i put, no matter how much i earn, all those good things, e.g. $, will leave me either slowly or by sudden. so, what's for i torture myself and treat myself so bad?

remember that time after graduate? everyone played for more than 3 months, some even half year, and i just work non-stop running here and there for euro-trichokare, even during final exam period. to balance myself, my emo, i should enjoy my moment now! giving a long holidays for myself :)

STOP LYNAS, SAVE MALAYSIA

'STOP LYNAS, SAVE MALAYSIA' becomes a hot topic among Malaysians these days.

What is LYNAS?
LYNAS is a mining company based in Australia which plans to have the world largest rare earth refinery (called LYNAS Advanced Materials Plant, LAMP in short) in Gobeng Industrial Zone, near Kuantan.
Click HERE to find out more about LYNAS.


Why we need to stop LYNAS?
Once LAMP begins operate, there will be RADIOACTIVE being produced and it will yearly leave behind 28,000 tonnes of solid waste (definately, it comes with radioactive leftover as well). SO, do you know why we need to stop LYNAS now?
If you can read Chinese, click on the video below and you will know more. If you want to know more details, you may visit the 'SAVE MALAYSIA' page --> http://savemalaysia-stoplynas.blogspot.com/2011/06/solid-waste-material-3-types-of-waste.html



Here's how i show support, hehe ^^

tow-car-auntie

There's a debate between DAP & MCA today at Berjaya Times Square, titled [Malaysian Chinese at the Political Crossroads].

i missed the debate as i was at sunway carnival with buddies. however, as a malaysian chinese, as a penangnite, i switch on my lappie (which i did not on for few days) immediately to follow the news.

first video i watched is a video called [Jessie Ooi 的发问片断]. it's really funny until i can't stop laughing!! oh my god! i know that i'm betrayal. i found that she is more powerful than leehom. i used to listen to leehom's songs when my mood is bad. and now, i feel that i should watch this video clip whenver my mood is bad, because it can make me laugh easily.

jessie ooi, now called as 拖车女 is 'Lady of the Day' today. Jeremy Lin took a few days to be famous among different levels, but this tow-car-aunty just need a few hours to be famous! the name spread faster than virus around on FB, in forum, and etc.

Lessons i learnt from this 半个槟城人 today as below..


三思而后行
Think before you act.
Even though you are stupid, you should not do/act/ask questions stupidly. please do only ask related/relevant questions especially in front of public, else you will just like a fool, like one of the comments in your page, 'It seems to me nothing is right in your left brain and nothing is left in your right brain.'

一失足成千古恨
It's too late to regret if you take a wrong step.
Once you speak/act stupidity in the rebate, your 'reputation' raise. as you did not respect the fair of the rebate, you must be prepared to receive all bad in reflection. there's no use to delete negative comments in your page, and i know that you understand, hence, you straight away delete the page. however, do you think that people will stop easily just like how you delete the page? NO! you will bring more negative image to public.

忍辱偷生不如死得光荣
Better die with honour than live with shame.
At this moment, as a penangnite, i guess your mother-in-law is feeling shame. put myself in her shoe, if i were your mother-in-law, i really feel so shame to have this kind of daughter-in-law. i have no face to stay here, facing the real penangnites everyday. i feel sorry to everyone here.

here, i guess i did not touch anything on politic right? i'm not touching any sensitive issue here or i did? i'm not really into politic and not really want to critic anything from political view. i just trying to share something from my point of view, trying to share some lessons i learnt from today hottest news, which is lesson of moral.

as a gal (even i'm not 'lady' enough and even my buddies treat me as 'bro'), i really have to remind myself always not to be like this tow-car-auntie, really have to aware and control myself not to be like 泼妇骂街 and spoil my image in public.

click play to view the joke of the day:

소주 & Soju

for couples, it's valentine's day, but for singles, it's just a tuesday.

this is my second time here, after 5 days.
소주 & Soju, a place where we can 'feel' the korea in our area, recomended by nath's students.

i thought we will order a new flavor of soju since we have marked the order during our 1st visit. however, due to the reason charles is here for very first time, we ordered the same soju again. i do not mean that the soju is not nice, i just wanted to try something new.

the balcony seats occupied half, hence we just sit at the sofa inside. chit-chatted, laughed, and played with phones, ky suggested to play 'true or dare' but charles's level is too high that nath not going to play, so... sien..

we ended up to pay for extra money to enter the K room. yeah! we ordered another pot of soju and entered the room. however, we were so surprise that everything is in korean!! the screen is in korean, the remote control is in korean as well!!  OMG!!  how we going to sing?! the boss came in and show us the chinese song's menu. it's just a page out of a whole album >.<

fine, had to find some songs to sing since we already there. and then i found why charles kept wanting to sing K. his voice is really nice! he claimed that today not really in good condition, but he still can sing well. geng!

time passed very fast when we were in the room. the waitress came in to ask if we were going to extend the time. time up! last song we had is -- you're beautiful. a song charles should sing to 3 of us, kekeke..

it's really fate that 4 of us can gather here together during this special day. thanks nath who date us for porridge dinner, thanks ky who came to pick me up, and nice meeting small little cute boy, charles :) thanks charles also, because of him, we moved to 소주 & Soju after dinner.

we do not have valentines, we did not celebrate valentine's day this year, but we enjoyed the session we are together..

 

the light

 

controller below the tv

 

the remote control

 

 

the 'ring-ring' XD

 

the pot of soju

it's time to say goodbye to my dear colleagues & managers

found this letter 2 days before i left the company. the writer is so mean! respect!!
hope you guys have fun reading it XD

Dear Co-Workers and Managers,

As many of you probably know, today is my last day. But before I leave, I wanted to take this opportunity to let you know what a great and distinct pleasure it has been to type “Today is my last day.”

For nearly as long as I’ve worked here, I’ve hoped that I might one day leave this company. And now that this dream has become a reality, please know that I could not have reached this goal without your unending lack of support. Words cannot express my gratitude for the words of gratitude you did not express.

I would especially like to thank all of my managers both past and present but with the exception of the wonderful Mr. ABC: in an age where miscommunication is all too common, you consistently impressed and inspired me with the sheer magnitude of your misinformation, ignorance and intolerance for true talent. It takes a strong man to admit his mistake – it takes a stronger man to attribute his mistake to me.

Over the past seven years, you have taught me more than I could ever ask for and, in most cases, ever did ask for. I have been fortunate enough to work with some absolutely interchangeable supervisors on a wide variety of seemingly identical projects – an invaluable lesson in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium in overcoming daily tedium.

And to most of my peers: even though we barely acknowledged each other within these office walls, I hope that in the future, should we pass on the street, you will regard me the same way as I regard you: sans eye contact.

But to those few souls with whom I’ve actually interacted, here are my personalized notes of farewell:

To [ ], I will not miss hearing you cry over absolutely nothing while laying blame on me and my coworkers. Your racial comments about [ ] were truly offensive and I hope that one day you might gain the strength to apologize to him.

To [ ] whom is long gone, I hope you find a manager that treats you as poorly as you have treated us. I worked harder for you then any manager in my career and I regret every ounce of it. Watching you take credit for my work was truly demoralizing.

To [ ], you should learn how to keep your mouth shut sweet heart. Bad mouthing the innocent is a negative thing, especially when you’re talking about someone who knows your disgusting secrets.

To [ ], well, I wish you had more of a back bone. You threw me to the wolves with that witch B and I learned all too much from it. I still can’t believe that after following your instructions, I ended up getting written up, wow. Thanks for the experience buddy, lesson learned.

[ ], I’m happy that you were let go in the same manner that you have handed down to my dedicated coworkers. Hearing you on the phone last year brag about how great bonuses were going to be for you fellas in upper management because all of the lay offs made me nearly vomit. I never expected to see management benefit financially from the suffering of scores of people but then again, with this company’s rooted history in the slave trade it only makes sense.

To all of the executives of this company, [ ] and such.

Despite working through countless managers that practiced unethical behavior, racism, sexism, jealousy and cronyism, I have benefited tremendously by working here and I truly thank you for that. There was once a time where hard work was rewarded and acknowledged, it’s a pity that all of our positive output now falls on deaf ears and passes blind eyes. My advice for you is to place yourself closer to the pulse of this company and enjoy the effort and dedication of us “faceless little people” more. There are many great people that are being over worked and mistreated but yet are still loyal not to those who abuse them but to the greater mission of providing excellent customer support. Find them and embrace them as they will help battle the cancerous plague that is ravishing the moral of this company.

So, in parting, if I could pass on any word of advice to the lower salary recipient (“because it’s good for the company”) in India or Tampa who will soon be filling my position, it would be to cherish this experience because a job opportunity like this comes along only once in a lifetime.

Meaning: if I had to work here again in this lifetime, I would sooner kill myself.
To those who I have held a great relationship with, I will miss being your co-worker and will cherish our history together.

Please don’t bother responding as at this very moment I am most likely in my car doing 85 with the windows down.

One!

Your demands were high and your patience short, but I take great solace knowing that my work was, as stated on my annual review, “meets expectation.” That is the type of praise that sends a man home happy after a 10 hour day, smiling his way through half a bottle of meets-expectation-scotch with a meets-expectation-cigar. Thanks [ ]!

please do let me know if you dare to blast this email out on your last day at work ^.~

talk abt my W

quite negative recently.

It had been half year i work in this company. However, i lost my passion here after 2 months! what's the big difference compare with my previous company?!

now only i understand what my ex-boss said. 'culture' is very important in a company. most of the time, i enjoyed the culture & environment of my previous company. i love my job! i love the 2 bosses, i love my manager, i love my colleagues, i love to be a part of the family!!
here, in this new company, eventhough it is a listed company, but it is just a company and i'm just one of the staffs. this is the culture here.

that time when  my ggm told me her plan, i really so excited and thought the changes will come soon. everything will turn better. However, it has been months and i still could not see/heard any of the news.
understand that it will take some time. know that this is not a decision can made easily. i just wonder if this plan is still on.

sometimes, when i notice something which should not be, or something which suppose to be better, i really wanted to help and sometimes i did try to help. with my post, it's not so easy for me to help up even when i tried my best. i really hope someone with more power is here to stop/prevent those unwanted things to happen, or here to solve the problems.

if i'm going to leave, or if i'm going to stay until i finish my study, should i say out what is in my mind? should i share my opinions? should i?

i'm here for half year, saw lots of things happened, i realize something, and i lost my passion.
i really hope that i can re-find my passion here. i really hope that i can survive here. i really do.