sista

i have 2 younger sisters. both of them born in the 1st week of June. and both of them called Chris.
my 'blood' sister called me 'san1 jie3' & another sister who has no 'blood-related' one called me 'ah jie2'.

that day, i had dinner with my no-blood-related sister. it had been around 2 years that we did not meet up. but still, she is so cool & so warm. cool in her character, and warm in her heart.
although she is the younger one, the care & concern she shares is much more than how i could give her. i am so lucky to know her in 2005. oh my god! i know her for 5 years already!! time flies..

still remember that time when we stay in small little room in KC, she & our no-blood-related mother always take care of me. they helped me in lots of things when the stupid me got into trouble. when i was sick, especially that time, when i walked alone to pusat perubatan, and fainted there for hours, sis came & accompanied me back to our hostel. on the way back, i almost faint again, kneel down at the roadside, can't speak, can't hear, can't see... she was so worried, kept asking if i still ok to go back or need to go to pusat perubatan again. i ended up manage to walk back hostel & fainted again on my bed once i entered the room.

when we moved out from KC, i did not stay together with them, my family in serdang, but they never stop their concern to me. when they know that i have not enough money, they invited me to have lunch or dinner at their house. i could not forget the lovely food prepared by my family there. and when they know that i got problem, they always help me to solve or give me idea or suggestion. once, when i disappeared, they were being asked by my coursemates, and they kept calling me eventhough they knew that i've already switched off my handphone, especially my sister. i was so guilty to make her & ah ma worry.

sister called me and asked if i am still at mid valley. she was there! surprise & excited! since she is so busy with her work.
we had our dinner at the korean store there and kept talking. or, maybe can say as i was the one who can't stop talking. when talked about our recently life, she 心疼 me, and said, ah jie, you are too tired, you need a rest. she wanted to sponsor me to go to find ah ma! what's a good sister i have!

time flies & changes lots of things, but her care & concern is still there! my first tear dropped that night when she show her care to me, and willing to help me in any method i want, i just need to open my mouth. touch.

she wanted me to promise her something, and i really tried my best to keep the promise.
and she, really keep her words.. does what she said everyday..

yogai! my sister asked me not to scare you all, must fight back! and  she is there willing to give me support! hence, i should not be like that anymore!! i will stand up on my own foot!!

sis, thx ya so much! luv ya!

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思想轉換 - 心態的力量 【The strength of mindset】

女兒向父親抱怨，事事都很艱難。
A daughtercomplains toward the father, everything is difficult.

她不知如何應付生活，好像一個問題剛剛解決，新的問題又會 出現，她有些厭倦。
She finds it hard to cope with life, seem a problem just resolve, the new problem appeared again, she was tired.

父親是一位廚師，把她帶進廚房。
Her father is a cook, bring her into the kitchen.

他先往三口鍋裡倒入一些水，然後放在旺火上。
He goes toward first to pour into some waters in 3 pots, then puts on the fire.

不久，水開了。
Soon, water boiling.

他往第一口鍋裡放一些胡蘿蔔，第二口鍋裡放入雞蛋，第三口 鍋裡放入碾成粉末的咖啡豆。
He put some carrots in the first pot, put an egg into the second pot, put some coffee powder into the third pot.



20分鐘後，父親把火關了，把胡蘿蔔撈出來，放入一個碗內， 把雞蛋撈出來，放入一個鍋內，然後把咖啡舀到一個杯子裡。
20 minutes later, father off the fire, take out the carrot. Go to the second pot take out the egg, and  then ladling up the coffee to a cup.

父親轉身問女兒：
The father turned to ask his daughter:


「孩子，你看到了什麼？」
'Kid, what do you come in sight of?'

「胡蘿蔔，雞蛋，咖啡。」她說。
「Carrot, egg, coffee」She say.

他讓她靠近一些，摸摸胡蘿蔔。
He lets her come closer to touch the carrot.

她注意到他它們變軟了。
She noticed the carot become soft.

父親又讓女兒拿一個雞蛋，打破它，剝掉殼，這是一個煮熟的 雞蛋。
The father lets the daughter take the egg, breaking it, peel the egg shell,this is a cooked egg.

最後，父親讓她喝了一口咖啡。
Last, the father lets her drink a mouthful of coffee.

嘗到濃濃的咖啡，女兒笑了，怯聲問道：
Taste to the very thick coffee, the daughter smile, she asked:

「父親，這意味著什麼？」
'Father, what does this mean?'

父親說，三樣東西面臨同樣的逆境——煮沸的開水。
The father says three things face same adverse circumstances-boiling water.

但其反映各不相同。
But its reflection is not same.



胡蘿蔔入鍋前是強壯的、結實的，放進開水，它變軟了、變弱 了。
The carrot, before put in to the pot, it is strong and hard, after putting into the boiled water, it become soft,become weak.


雞蛋原來是易碎的，薄薄的外殼保護著液態的內臟，開水一煮， 內臟變硬。
The egg is originally crumbly, the very thin outer shell protects the internal organs of the liquid, once  the boiled water cook, the internal organs become hard.

粉狀咖啡豆則很獨特，進入沸水，它們便改變了水。
The coffee bean powder then is very special, entering boiling water, they changed the water then.



在艱難和逆境前，可以學胡蘿蔔、雞蛋和咖啡豆，可以屈服，
也可以變得更堅強——甚至，可以改變環境。
We can learn how carrot,egg and coffee bean react in the difficulties and adverse circumstances.  They can accept defeat, can become stronger, and even can change environment/surrounding.


父親說：
The father say:

你改變不了環境，但可以改變自己；
Your cannot change the environment, but can change yourself;

你改變不了事實，但可以改變態度；
Your cannot change the fact, but can change an attitude;

你改變不了過去，但可以改變現在；
Your cannot change the past, but can change the present;

你不能控制他人，但可以掌握自己；
You have no command over others, but can control yourself;

你不能預知明天，但可以把握今天；
You can't predict tomorrow, but can hold on today;

你不能樣樣順利，但可以事實盡心；
You can't be doing smooth and well in everything, but can devote your best effort;

你不能左右天氣，但可以改變心情；
You can't change weather, but can change a mood;

你不能改變容貌，但可以展現笑容；
You can't change facial appearance, but can emerge with smiling face;


是的，心態有時比什麼都重要。
Yes, the mindset sometimes is important compares with others.

短暂的幸福

我的世界  仿佛静止在这一刻。

暖暖的Caramel Macchiato包围了整个我，把我与那个冰冷的世界隔离。

什么都不想，就这样，静静地，在昏黄的灯光下，听着音乐，享受着最爱的星巴克，写着最爱的方块字。

已有好一阵子没有像现在这样一个人了。
还记得以前在沙登的时候，要么就跑去The Mines去看电影，要么就到湖边跑步然后坐着发呆。离开沙登搬到双威后，做工了，每次回到双威的时候都已经很迟了，没能跑步，就换去喝咖啡了。

不是没有朋友，也许就像联盛说的，找朋友聊，然后呢？听他们说那大同小异的话，接受他们的安慰，然后呢？问题还是存在啊！也许，发泄出来后的那一刻会好过一点，可是，当你回想的时候，其实什么都没改变。

所以啊，我现在只是想给自己放个假，短暂的，数个小时的假。

Starbucks，不懂有什么魔法，让我每次来到，就可以很自然地放松。
一个人的星巴克，不需要开口说话，不需要担心这个，顾虑那个，不需要刻意做些什么，什么都不必做，不必想。

曾经  有个人告诉我，他爱喝涩涩的红酒，因为那涩涩的感觉，就好像人生。
我倒觉得桌上这杯Caramel Macchiato更可以贴切地用来形容人生。

最底层的Espresso，就像生活中的考验，有人会认为很苦，可是，只有真正懂得欣赏Espresso的人才知道，Espresso其实是带甜的。有些人受不了Espresso的那股劲，选择吐出来，或不喝了。就像有些人接受不了生活中的打击，崩溃了，放弃了，走上绝路。
中间的那一层牛奶，是平淡的日子。
最表面的那一层foam，就是平凡生活中小小的惊喜。
好多人都爱的caramel dizzle，就像人人都追求的幸福。
一层层的Caramel Macchiato，不也像人生不同的阶段吗？

好久没用手写方块字了，字体还是一样小，一样圆。
人家说字体小的人很小器。如果是这样的话，我不只是很小器，还很圆滑，可是我是吗？一个圆滑的人，人缘应该很好，朋友应该很多吧？应该不会像我这样时常得罪人吧？呵呵......

那位美女barista进来收拾东西后要出去了，当她打开门的那一刻，我才发现，外面的世界好喧哗。而我们被关在这个玻璃门里，好像真的与世隔绝。除了从播音器发出的音乐声外，就只有最后面桌所传来的敲键盘声。两个陌生人在这么一个没人干扰的空间里，享受着吵杂中的宁静。

桌上的咖啡，冷了。可是我的心是暖的。

也许没有人能体会星巴克所可以给我带来的那种感觉。
也许你觉得很不可思议。
也许你在怀疑。



此时此刻，我在咖啡香里找到被遗忘的幸福。


2010.5.21 10.37pm 愛麗絲 @ Starbucks, Sunway Pyramid

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3

i posted the blog 3 years ago..
when orange & 333 broke up.
was very angry that time when 333 treated orange like that.. they were so sweet & happy when the time we at bm, but how come the situation changed like that? it's very difficult for me to accept.. i felt that orange was very pity.. but i never think from 333 & sam side that time.. hence, i never know how suffer 333 & sam were.. the suffer that 333 passed through.. the suffer that sam experienced.. so, i owe them an apologize..

Sorry 333 & sam.. my sincere apologize to both of you..
i'm so glad to know the sweetness of you two via Facebook, especially the malacca trip that 333 waited for long time! i can feel how sweet the trip was via the photos :)

not sure you guys will read this post or not, but i am just.. just.. wanna say sorry.. i not dare to dig back the old story when chatting with you.. not dare say it in front of you..please forgive this little chicken..

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Green Day - 21 Guns

Do you know what's worth fighting for?

When it's not worth dying for?

Does it take your breath away

And you feel yourself suffocating?

Does the pain weigh out the pride?

And you look for a place to hide?

Did someone break your heart inside?

You're in ruins

One, 21 guns

Lay down your arms, give up the fight

One, 21 guns

Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

When you're at the end of the road

And you lost all sense of control

And your thoughts have taken their toll

When your mind breaks the spirit of your soul

Your faith walks on broken glass

And the hangover doesn't pass

Nothing's ever built to last

You're in ruins

One, 21 guns

Lay down your arms, give up the fight

One, 21 guns

Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

Did you try to live on your own

When you burned down the house and home?

Did you stand too close to the fire

Like a liar looking for forgiveness from a stone?

When it's time to live and let die

And you can't get another try

Something inside this heart has died

You're in ruins

One, 21 guns

Lay down your arms, give up the fight

One, 21 guns

Throw up your arms into the sky

One, 21 guns

Lay down your arms, give up the fight

One, 21 guns

Throw up your arms into the sky, you and I

disappointed

very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very very disappointed!!!!

but ice cannot cry there! i should be tough enough! even i am not really tough! i had to act like that!
i could feel how pain my heart is! but nobody could feel how sad i am!

DISAPPOINTED!!

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如果你不是真心，就不要闯进我的世界

a note shared by jezzonefly on facebook...

我可以
一个人吃饭；
一个人睡觉；
一个人逛街；
一个人游戏；
一个人上班；
一个人回家；
一个人发呆；
一个人思考；
一个人欣赏路过的风景；
一个人遗憾错过的精彩；
一个人读着别人的故事；
一个人打发无聊的时间；
一个人赶走寂寞的侵袭；
一个人抵挡北风的严寒；
一个人在跌倒后站起来拍拍身上的灰尘；
一个人在受伤后躲起来默默治疗心的创伤；
一个人在繁华的都市里找回迷失的自己；
一个人在残酷的现实里伪装保护着自己.........

......

所以

如果你不是真心，就不要轻易插足我的旅程，我很容易感动， 很容易满足，也许你不经意对我的好我都会一直记得，也许会因 为你不在意的举动会伤心很久；

如果你不是真心，就不要轻易进入我的世界，我不会坚强，不 会防备，你说的每句话我都会相信，我能给你的就是绝对的信 任；

如果你不是真心，就不要轻易跨进我的国度，我会固执，会小 气，
我很珍惜每个进来的人，就算碰得头破血流我也不会轻易放手， 我不想留给自己太多遗憾...... 等待那个人我投入的会是我全部的真心....

a song to mom

dedicated my il divo's song to a special one..

il divo's mama..

to my mom, an angel of earth.. ♥ ♥ ♥



Mama, thank you for who I am
Thank you for all the things I'm not
Forgive me for the words unsaid
For the times I forgot

Mama remember all my life
You showed me love, you sacrificed
Think of those young and early days
How I've changed along the way [along the way]

And I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you, yeah I miss you

Mama forgive the times you cried
Forgive me for not making right
All of the storms I may have caused
And I've been wrong, Dry your eyes [dry your eyes]

Cause I know you believed
And I know you had dreams
And I'm sorry it took all this time to see
That I am where I am because of your truth
And I miss you, I miss you

Mama I hope this makes you smile
I hope you're happy with my life
At peace with every choice I made
How I've changed along the way [along the way]

Cause I know you believed in all of my dreams
And I owe it all to you, Mama

congratulation!!

sharp 8a.m in the morning..
unexpected call received..

it's from a satan! yea! satan vincent called!
he's spreading the good news to me!
made my mood turn good!

so happy that he still remember what he promised!

so proud of him that he can passed all the difficult tests & now he is with the title of Dr.

well done guy!!

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委屈

是该认真考虑继续下去的可能性了。

当身边的朋友一直在努力打毒针的时候，我还会帮他们讲话，说，其实他们对我都不错的，只是在某件事上的看法不同而已，他们有时候也是蛮疼我的嘛～


一心想着，呆在那里，我可以学到很多东西，因为什么东西都是我自己一手包办的，是很忙啊，可是，那是我喜欢的东西。大家都说，我们如果从那里出来的话，在其它地方一定可以生存得到，因为，那里不只有‘魔鬼式的训练’，我们还得遇上‘宫心计’的陷害。

我一直认为，就像大多数的事情一样，只要找几个朋友聊聊，mumble，发泄过后就没事了，可是，原来根本就不是那么一回事。
联盛说，早就跟我说了！是啊，是我一意孤行，我该听他们的。

为什么我那么固执？当初没有心软的话，我不会这样让妈妈担心，心疼。
是的，我对不起妈妈，时常要她为这个懦弱的女儿操心。

现在，因为那通电话，觉得委屈了又怎样，这是我自己拿来的。告诉自己，这是最后一次为这种事哭。是时候做些什么了！

哭过就好了！就算再喜欢那些工作，也不要再催眠自己他们有多好了！当不久前，爱丽丝决定用晓凌的面目来见人的时候，那块沉睡的冰块也该醒了！

when ALLICE is no longer Adorable, no longer Lovely & no longer Lâche, there's time for ICE!

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message

just reached home at 10 in the morning.
sign in my facebook, and saw a message from my love one.
she said she felt that she should send me that message and told me lots of her thinking/opinion.

tears drop after read the message.
she said something that i could not deny, the cruel truth that i never want to face.
i admit that i am little chicken.

dear, i know what you mean. sure i will accept what you said, and i believe that this little chicken will get her gut very soon.

you are not long-winded at all! i like to receive your long long message which show your love, your care, your concern to me, i do really appreciate.

you know what, when i saw the tag from you on the photo that day, there's only one word in my mind! ji mui! yes! not only best friend!
you really help me a lot! when you know my situation that time, you help me to solve it within 15 minutes! without me to open mouth to seek for your help! gosh! who else can treat me like this?

give me some time, and you will see what's going to happen!

i am no longer wish for the rainbow after rain, but now, learning to enjoy & dance in the rain ^.~


p/s: going back to bm next week. i believe that grandma will be very well that time when i back! :)

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